Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
If I die, sorry about rent.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
