i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
