I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I think my vagina is haunted
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
