4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
