it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
