The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
