it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
