wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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