oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
sex in a hospital.. check
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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