C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
