found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
