Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
