The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize