I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
