Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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