All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
