So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
