Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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