I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
