Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
