Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
