shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
