why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
