I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
