I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
