Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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