She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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