I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
