Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize