She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
