yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
