Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
