He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
