You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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