you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
