we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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