so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
