Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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