Betty ford says i'm here all night
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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