I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
