I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
