Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
