her vagina looked like bernie madoff
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
