I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
