Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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