I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
