Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
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