he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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