i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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