i will never coherently bang her
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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