he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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