I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
