O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
