He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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