The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
