this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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