I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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