I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
