Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
