waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
