Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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