how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
