i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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