Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
