Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
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