I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
