We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
