Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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